I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
