It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
