after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
