see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
