three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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