3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
