I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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