Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
