I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
