we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
