I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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