Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
