just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
