Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
