You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
