i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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