can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
