We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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