I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
