ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
