Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
