don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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