She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
