I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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