Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
