I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
