no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
