i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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