he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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