I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
