I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Two words: nipple clamps
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