Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
