Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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