Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
