I just made out with a guy for $7.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
