We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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