My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
