You're so nebulous sometimes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
