Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
