my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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