Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
