I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
