Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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