You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
