I'm really into asian looking animals
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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