I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
