Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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