his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
