it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
