every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
